Political Pizza: What I’ll be trying to swallow on election night

05May10

I’ve covered in some detail what to wear on Election Night, which is all well and good for feeling good on the outside, however, Election Night is a long, veritable marathon of polls, percentages and very dull talking heads – and sensible people such as myself aren’t likely to make it to the first announcements in the wee hours without adequate fuel.

Election Night also poses logistical issues. An avid politics-blogger or Dimbleby-addict is unlikely to sit up straight at the dining table and act any more pleasantly than a passenger on the Cold Turkey bandwagon and so for once, just once, they must be appeased with the fateful ordeal that is the television tea. Splashing, dropping and dolloping must be avoided at all costs for this to succeed and not degenerate into a family feud so everybody misses George Alagiah’s announcement that George Osborne is in fact a cousin of the Millibands revealing the freakish resemblance to JK Rowling’s fictitious family tree linking the Malfoys to Sirius Black.

Alas, only one foodstuff springs to mind which has the stamina to withstand an evening of picking, tastes good hot or cold, and the ingenious structure allowing minimal soft furnishing damage when eaten on teetering lap-top plates.

The ideal Election Night food is of course, pizza. Perfect, if you make too much, because late-night feasting is required if you want to prevent your party from becoming cranky and irritable (which is already enough of a problem with the inevitability of Michael Gove and William Hague making an appearance).

So, to prove that I can be impartial politically (at least where food is concerned), I have devised pizza toppings to represent the four main democratic parties; Labour, Liberal Democrats, Green and Conservatives.

La Labouroni

A robust, family favourite. A solid stone-baked base with a nutritious, additive free sauce topped with Red Leicester cheese (locally produced), spicy sausage (imported) and lots of red peppers and tomatoes (for your Five a Day). Best washed down with some brown ale. Two for One offer.

Liberali Democrati

Growing in popularity even though it’s been on the menu for a while. A crispy, stodge-free base with a slight spreading of red sauce (but made to an improved recipe), a liberal amount (geddit) of English cheddar cheese, yellow pepper (imported from Europe) and sweetcorn (to see if it makes it to the other side). Student discount available.

Conservatina

Popular with yuppies in the 80s but having a comeback with families with expensive tastes. A solid, British base made from organic flour, and vegetables from the British greenhouse including a tomato sauce (not too spicy so delicate stomachs can handle it), aubergines and Portobello mushrooms (because it’s a good neighbourhood and my friend lives there). Finished with a few shavings of Harrod’s Food Court’s finest Gran Padano and prosciutto for an extra charge.

Pizza Verde

The vegetarian option. A thin but elastic wholemeal base with seasonal toppings including a tomato sauce, asparagus, organic courgette and green-house produced green peppers. Grated tofu optional. Don’t knock it until you’ve given it some attention.

Okay so that perhaps was a bit more partisan than I had anticipated… or do I mean parmesan?

That was a terrible joke. Feel free to wipe it from your memory.

I will be making all four of these pizzas tomorrow night and I will be posting pictures of how they turn out and updates on how well they went down with everybody.

Remember, voters, to go to the polling stations tomorrow and cast your vote. If you don’t know who to vote for yet then look again at these pizzas and decide which one you like best if it helps you make a decision.

Pizza Updates!
05/05/10

22:59 – Pizza bases have baked after a mild panic and throwing around mad clouds of flour after discovering I’d put too much water in the breadmaker. Now all four are out and golden.

Two pizza bases, two more cooking in the oven.

06/05/10

18:00 – Back from Tesco. NO AUBERGINES! Looks like the Tories will have to be underrepresented (chortle). Preparing veg.

21:09 – Have just finished uploading pics after a long evening of cooking then eating. This is what happened.

Prepared toppings.

Delicious pizzas.

Gone!

Now I think that the Labour pizza won. People liked the Green pizza but craved the meat, the Tory pizza was gobbled up but it didn’t do as well as the Lib Dem one. SO Labour first, Lib Dem second, Tory third and Green fourth.

I suppose it doesn’t make it fair that delicious food tends to be red… but this was never in any way meant to represent the voting public.

Happy Election Night! xxx

Filed under: Food, Journalism, Liberal Democrats, News, Politics, Thoughts, Writing   |  1 Comment
Tags: Conservatives, Election 2010, election night, Food, Green party, Labour, Liberal Democrats, Pizza, Politics, voting