Media Law: the trial


McNae-gate is drawing ever closer with just 6 days left on the clock.

I endured my last (touch wood) ever shorthand exam unless I decide I want to push the boat out and go for 120wpm which I really don’t see happening. I can write Teeline shorthand perfectly well as long as there isn’t a certificate riding on it and the transcription does not have to be verbatim.

So to congratulate myself I have had a glass of wine on my own on a Friday night with nought but my law books for company and even then I feign revision as the process is so long in the tooth now that I would gladly pay any media lawyer who resembled me in appearance the remainder of my Post Office savings account to sit it for me if it guaranteed a pass.

The passage was good and I am willing to drink to my success now as I am fairly certain I passed the wretched thing. That an a drug test are about the only things I am pretty confident I could pass at present. Even the blood test i had the other week came out as anaemic!

The law resit I don’t even want to talk about – it seems such a futile exercise. Despite having a relatively sophisticated vocabulary and an immense capacity for gossip and trivia, examinations have never been my strong point. Granted, I have never actually failed anything before the NCTJ law exams, but when it comes to hard fact rather than the powers of clever language and a little persuasion, I tend to fair rather averagely.

This is probably one of the reasons that I want to be/ am becoming a journalist.

A journalist doesn’t do well to reel off formulae and science, it alienates the reader. The power to write in an interesting way can win you readers and recognition but it is not a journalist’s remit to act as a lecturer.

I have never been a boffin, I was always the bottom in the class in science and maths. I tended to do well in French but my family speak it at home. Other than French, Art and English were my top scoring subjects at school and even in English I’m sure thats because I had the most excruciating schoolgirl crush on my Polish, Oxbridge postgraduate English teacher. Just thinking about him now makes me feel compelled to read Milton

There is an element in this blog of talking myself out of revising for my law exam and for that I apologise. Nevertheless the exam must be sat and I have 6 days in which to assimilate the entirety of McNae’s teachings into my tiny little body. If it were possible to record the book and play it to my unconscious ears while sleeping with certain success then I’d plug myself in because I know what passing will have to involve.

So, to pass these resits this is a brief summary of my revision technique; I am not one of these kids that can make a mind map and it actually works, I have to write, recite and re-write a thousand times before a fact goes in, and even then in the pressure of the pre-exam moment it all pisses away into the toilet bowl when I get the stress-wees.

Don’t pretend you don’t get them. Everybody gets the stress-wees. Boys tend to get the stress-poos to be honest but its much the same process of fannying (excuse the verb) about in the loos washing your clammy hands after emptying a gurgling bladder and hyperventilating in a small room.

Am I setting myself up for a fall with this attitude. My attitude is, I failed it once and I could very easily fail it again. The only chance I have is if Mr Sobecki my gorgeous English teacher decides to join the Salford University payroll as a Media Law tutor.

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